GIRAFFES have confirmed that they are fuelled by hate and plan to exterminate the human race.
Following controversial claims by big game hunters about the danger they pose, giraffes admitted that they are currently on a war footing with humanity.
Giraffe Wayne Hayes said: “When I’m munching leaves I have only one thing on my mind – murder.
“It’s obvious that the tallest species should be the most dominant, yet by some evolutionary quirk we ended up being stuck with cloven hooves which are useless for holding guns.
“However after many hours of delicately kicking at small volatile components we have built a nuclear weapon. Now it is too late for the hunters to stop us.”
Many of history’s most notorious serial killers have now been confirmed as giraffes.
Criminologist Nikki Hollis said: “Contemporaneous reports of Jack the Ripper consistently describe him as around 22 feet fall with a leg in each corner of his torso and a camel-like head.
“At the time nobody thought a herbivore would want to kill prostitutes, we believed their main thing was eating enough plant matter to maintain their body weight. How wrong we were.
“Apparently giraffe is Latin for lanky death bringer.”
