EXPERTS have dismissed recent sightings of the Loch Ness Monster as nothing more than floating wood wearing a tartan bonnet.
The legend of the monster draws hundreds of thousands of tourists every year hoping that an angry dinosaur will emerge from the loch and go on a bloody rampage.
But Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Branches are washed down the river from a wood near the loch, and that same river happens to go past a tam o’ shanter warehouse which uses it to get rid of industrial waste.
“Once tangled together in the loch, the branch and hat must have snagged on a discarded set of bagpipes which, when the wind blew through them, made a sound not unlike Flower of Scotland and a Glaswegian voice hurling abuse.
“As always, there’s a perfectly rational explanation.”