THE rest of the UK has agreed that London should be deliberately reclaimed as an aquatic habitat for the benefit of the country.
Following a trial period of heavy flooding at the weekend that has left homes, roads and Tube stations underwater, residents of Manchester, Edinburgh and Swindon agreed that it should not stop there.
Joanna Kramer of Nottingham said: “You know how there’s those sunken oil tankers that are an environmental disaster but become a haven for coral and fish and that? Same energy.
“London can’t be saved. By allowing it to slip beneath the waves we can at least preserve its architectural grandeur, which will look way better covered in coral with fish slipping in and out of Westminster than the f**king state it’s in currently.
“Its current inhabitants can either cling on to a half-life on the upper floors of the ruined Shard, hunting fish in the submerged ruins of Tate Modern, or leave. Either way they’ll be happier.
“Tourists will love cruising around the city and going for Buckingham Palace scuba-dives. The rest of Britain gets an economic boost and a fresh start. We should have done it years ago.”
Nathan Muir of Hoxton said: “I’m running a pop-up rum bar every weekend in the flooded remains of Fabric. And now it’ll be even more exclusive.”