AN UNDERGROUND road between Manchester and Leeds will disprove the theory that all tunnels have a light at the end of them, it has been claimed.
The planned tunnel under the Pennines is expected to culminate only in a grey, lightless haze at both ends, rendering a key metaphor forever unusable.
Dr Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Manchester and Leeds have both been entirely covered with dense cloud since the Industrial Revolution, populated by bone-white denizens for whom ‘hope’ is the only taboo four-letter word.
“Travelling 18 miles under the Pennines only to find yourself in exactly the same drizzled gloom you left behind will break people, psychologically.
“This tunnel could be as important as the Large Hadron Collider, but instead of discovering subatomic particles it will further our knowledge of misery and despair.”
Leeds resident Donna Sheridan said: “A tunnel with Manchester at the end of it isn’t a tunnel. It’s a missile launch tube.”