Monday, 6th July 2020

Ocado drivers more effective at blocking roads than Extinction Rebellion

CLIMATE activists trying to paralyse cities by blocking roads and causing traffic jams could learn a lot from Ocado delivery drivers, it has emerged.

Extinction Rebellion have this week successfully blocked traffic in London, Cardiff, Leeds, Glasgow and Bristol, while Ocado drivers have successfully blocked traffic in all those cities, every other city in the UK, most suburbs and half of all villages.

Ocado driver Tom Logan said: “Pfft. Amateurs.

“You don’t need dreadlocks and a samba band. Just a van, a customer carefully checking her receipt to make sure we haven’t substituted six lobsters for a loaf of sourdough, and a driver making vague gesticulations to neighbours.

“Don’t glue yourself to anything. Just park in a way that makes the road impassable, even if there’s an obvious space to pull in, then unload crates of olive oil and quinoa chips one at a time to whichever house has the biggest 4x4 on the drive.

“These hippies want to join us. They’d soon learn how to cause massive disruption while cheerily waving that we’ll be all done in a minute.”

Extinction Rebellion spokesman Jules Cook said: “F**king capitalism. It’s always so much better at ruining people’s lives.”