Pasty Britons in desperate 48-hour race to get tan

THE pasty people of Britain have just two days to expose their bodies to enough sunlight to last for the other 363 days.

Yesterday, millions of Britons woke up and immediately stripped down to their underwear to head for the nearest outside space.

Wayne Hayes said: “I didn’t even bother calling the office to tell them I wouldn’t be in. I knew they would have worked that out and it would waste valuable seconds.

“I put in a solid 10-hour day, five on my front and five on my back until I was in tremendous pain.”

Clare Bradford said: “I knew something was wrong when I arrived at the office and it was deserted.

“All I could do was sprint to the nearest park, stopping en route to buy some cooking oil so I could make up time and sizzle like an onion.”