Patrick Duffy Challenges Putin Claim To Arctic Seabed

PATRICK Duffy, the Man from Atlantis, is to launch a legal bid on behalf of millions of sea creatures to prevent a Russian takeover of the deep.

'I'll take a crowbar to his windscreen,' said the Little Mermaid

Duffy accused Russian President Vladimir Putin of staging a '15th Century land grab' adding: "You cannot simply plant a flag and steal the birthright of millions of fish."

The aquatic super-hero will also lead an all-star protest at the bottom of the Arctic ocean alongside the Little Mermaid, SpongeBob Squarepants and four of the turtles from Finding Nemo.

Ariel, the Little Mermaid, said: "Comes round here, planting his flag, thinks he's all that. I'll fuck him up. I'll fuck him up real good."

Duffy added: "My family has been farming the sea bed for generations. Admittedly, with no success whatsoever, but you try fitting an aqualung on a cow."

But President Putin insisted Russia had a right to search for new energy reserves. "I need many gas. You like fish. I like fish. But fish no have gas.

"Maybe fish should be shutting face or maybe there be 'accident' at bottom of sea."

He added: "Patrick Duffy better in 'Dallas' though I prefer Hagman. I am Vladimir. You will obey."