SNAILS have asked gardeners to kindly not lob them over the fence.
Snail Tom Logan said: “See this shell on my back? Does it look unbreakable? No? Well, that’s because it fucking isn’t.”
The gastropods offered alternative removal techniques including a little snail bus pulled by a fox, a travelator to next door’s organic vegetable patch or just popping them in the post.
Logan continued: “Or how about putting our need to eat before your need to have some pretty flowers to look at?
“No? Okay, at least give us a beer trap. Let us peaceably drink ourselves to death.”