Pope Calls For Cap On Gay Emissions

POPE Benedict has called for a renewed global effort to cap the level of gay emissions.

The Pope is fascinated by the science of gay juice

The Pope said gayness was at least as dangerous to humanity as global warming, if not more so given all that hot boy-on-boy action.

In his end of year address to Vatican prelates, he said: "They go to nightclubs and dance and take their tight t-shirts off and get all sweaty and before you know it it's off to the bogs for 20 minutes of furtive cock-fun.

"There they are, in the bogs, going off in each others hands, emitting all kinds of juices and fluids."

He added: "Once these fluids are out, you can't put them back. And eventually there will be so much of this goo sloshing all over the place that the polar bears will slip on it and die.

"It will spill over into the oceans and all the penguins and cormorants and seagulls will be covered in it and they will have to be scrubbed clean by volunteers. But not by me, no way, I'm not touching some penguin that's all covered in gayboy juice."

The Pope has demanded an international cap on gay emissions alongside a system of gay trading where bigger countries buy gay emissions from the smaller, more efficient gay producing nations.

He also called for investment in 'fluid-capture' technology where millions of tonnes of gay juice would be stored in vast underground chambers before being tested, cleaned and used to make new Catholics.