CLAIMS that rain wouldnt dampen spirits at Glastonbury and Wimbledon this weekend have been proved wrong.
Attendees of the outdoor events, which are only held in the summer in the vain hope that it might not be pissing down, confirmed that the weather had a hugely negative effect.
Susan Traherne of Sheffield said: The BBC filmed me saying The rain wont stop us having a good time!.
But thats just something you say, isnt it, because in reality everyone hates being wet.
I do hope the performers in the John Peel tent know we were only in there for shelter. Id hate them to think they were actually any good.
Julian Cook, who visited Wimbledon, said: It takes more than a few drops of rain to spoil my weekend!
It takes, in fact, all the tennis matches Id paid a great deal of money to see being cancelled because of that same rain. That spoiled my weekend good and fucking proper.
Psychologist Dr Mary Fisher said: Rain ruins everything.
But without it we wouldnt be able to enjoy sitting indoors ruefully shaking our heads at anyone unwise enough to be out in it.
That wouldnt be a Britain worth living in.