Girls on shoulders refusing to get down

HUNDREDS of women are still being carried around on men’s shoulders after they leave music festivals.

Young attractive females who perched on shoulders during the events have decided that they want to be held aloft on a permanent basis.

23-year-old Nikki Hollis has been on the shoulders of her obedient male friend Joe Turner since last Friday.

She said: “Everyone literally looks up to you and I can even sleep if I lean forward. I kick him once to walk and twice to stop.

“I’m going into work like this.”

However girl-carrier Joe Turner said: “It hurts so much, I can’t hold out much longer. My back is soaked in sweat and urine.

“I want to put her down but I fancy her to a tragic extent, even though this sort of obedient behaviour is exactly why she’ll never go out with me.”

Man voluntarily attended The Bodyguard musical

43-YEAR-OLD man Tom Logan chose to go and see the musical version of The Bodyguard, it has emerged.

Logan was seen emerging alone from a performance of the long-running stage show amid large groups of middle-aged women getting back onto coaches.

He said: “It’s just a great story, I don’t see what the problem is.

“There is nothing inherently unmanly about going to see a show where the main character is an idealised version of a strong, paternal-but-sexy protector.

“Essentially it is a thriller, just like The Bourne Identity but with more Whitney Houston songs.

“Tristan Gemmill, who plays security expert Frank Farmer, does a great job of filling Kevin Costner’s shoes. And Alexandra Burke is a perfect diva, what’s not to like?

“Men who think they wouldn’t like The Bodyguard musical are just insecure.”

Fellow audience member Emma Bradford said: “Looking out across the auditorium full of excited ladies, I noticed that one of them had male pattern baldness.

“It slowly dawned on me that it was, in fact, a man.

“I was going to tell security, but I get a bit shy around strong men with earpieces.”