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Schoolchildren taken to urban farm to see where their skunk is grown

A GROUP of schoolchildren have been to a growhouse on a Walsall housing estate to see where the weed they smoke is made.

Teachers at the school decided the teenagers should learn about the fascinating cottage industry of using advanced hydroponics set-ups to grow hundreds of thousands of pounds of skunk.

15-year-old Hannah Tomlinson, said: “We were greeted by a man who referred to himself only as ‘Cobra’ and once he’d put his machete away he was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met wearing a balaclava.

“Being from the Midlands, we normally visit boring steam engine museums from the Industrial Revolution. So to meet someone actually doing something important was so cool! And I picked up an amazing grinder from the gift shop at the end of the tour.”

Teacher Eleanor Shaw said: “We can only afford a certain number of field trips every term, so we may as well take them somewhere they’ll actually pay attention. 

“I think we all enjoyed Cobra’s account of going round to a rival supplier’s house and ‘f**king him up bad’. Such vibrant oral history.”

However 16-year-old James Bates, captain of the school’s chess club, said: “I found it very informative, until the bit where Liam Jones made me eat a whole skunk plant and now my brain is broken forever.”

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Indigenous Britons deported and their homes turned into Albanian brothels: Starmer's immigration plan, via Suella Braverman

KEIR Starmer has dared put forward an immigration plan even worse than ‘All borders open, bring your murderers’. Home secretary Suella Braverman explains what he’ll do to you.

Deportation

Starmer’s deal with the EU means that for every immigrant that comes here, three Britons are deported. Your grandmother will be sent to Hungary, your husband to Sweden and your three-year-old daughter to the Netherlands. You will be forbidden from ever making contact with them again. It’s so cruel it’s unbelievable.

They get your house

Those family members unlucky enough to remain will have their homes turned into asylum accommodation to save money on hotels. You will cook and clean for an Albanian gang selling sex and ketamine from your four-bedroom detached home.

You’ll have to process their applications

In addition to your job, which is your only respite from a hell of chopped-out lines on your oak John Lewis dining table and washing sex-stained sheets, you will be required to process 120 asylum applications per day or be sent to an internment camp. All applications must be passed and given a 1,000-word glowing reference.

They prosecute you for human trafficking

In a sickening reversal of the natural order, gangs operating small boat crossings will be given legal aid to prosecute you for human trafficking because you wheeled your grandfather to a river so you could weep without being mocked by Serbians throwing machetes at your framed family portrait. If guilty, you will be sent down for a million years.

You will be ridden like a pony

If a Polish man with a lengthy criminal record wishes to come to this country, why should he walk? Why, when a bit could be forced between your teeth and he could ride you around town like a human pony? You’ll meet eyes with another woman, also on her knees, who you knew from the school run in the happy times when the Tories were in power. Then you’ll have to ‘gallop’ three miles home. 

They’ll sneer at your Brexit

They do not even respect Brexit. They will taunt it. They will shit on it. Keir comes round for late-night drug sessions, after he has used the brothel and paid in Euros, and joins in. As your life ebbs away while they watch pornography on your 70” television that cost you £2,000, you remember that you were warned. By me.

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