WITH each passing week, Brits are waking up to the folly of leaving the EU. Here are some of the problems no one expected, especially daft Brexiters, of course.
Bananas are now way too bendy
One of the reasons we were exhorted to leave the EU is because Brussels was insisting on categorising bananas at the request of banana sellers and supermarkets. And no word of bullshit there. Now that we are out, bananas have gone all out of whack, some looking like bent penises requiring surgery while others are completely pretzel-shaped and impossible to peel. However the colour remains slightly green one day and black the next, as is traditional.
A Europe-wide rise in ‘thick English’ jokes
The English used to chortle away merrily at the imbecility of foreigners like the Irish and dimwit Spaniards such as Fawlty Towers’ Manuel. Today it is the English who are the butt of those jokes. In the Republic of Ireland it is common to joke about the Englishman who was so stupid he chose to vote to leave the world’s largest single market only for his business to go bust. It’s the way they tell them.
A rise in buskers now that musicians’ livelihoods have collapsed
Bands and artists who used to travel abroad frequently to play can no longer do so owing to huge bureaucratic costs. They now have to eke a living playing Wonderwall over and over outside railway stations. The result? Vastly reduced quality of life for millions of Britons.
Racists stay here rather than f**king off to Spain
Time was when people who loathed immigration to the UK took the principled stance of moving to Spain where they could fail to assimilate, drink cheap booze and not bother to learn any Spanish. Since they voted Leave, not realising they would have to leave their Spanish homes themselves, they’re back here, spouting contradictory garbage about how Britain is simultaneously the best country in the world and how it’s irrevocably gone to the dogs thanks to foreigners, avocados and the Notting Hill Carnival.
The rest of us can’t f**k off to Spain
Oh, we’d love to. But the elderly gammon idiot Brexiters made their bed and we have to lie in it with them. The bed smells weird and it’s full of digestive crumbs, metaphorically speaking.
