THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection
has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.
Professor Tom Logan, of the Insitute for Studies, said there was no reason for the process by which ostriches and other large birds pump their genitals full of lymph fluid to become known as ‘getting a Logan on’.
But Professor Henry Brubaker, the Institute’s director, said: “This represents a huge advancement in our knowledge of avian reproduction. Hats off to Professor Logan, for unlocking the puzzle of big bird erections.
“Consequently, it is only fair that Professor Logan should now be immortalised.
“Myself and all other leading scientists thus decree that a large, sexually-aroused male bird will henceforth be described as ‘having a Logan on’. Or as having undergone ‘Loganisation’ in its phallus.
“Probably over time the word ‘Logan’ will become synonymous with ‘large bird’s penis’.
“Children at zoos will point and say ‘look at that bird’s big red Logan, mummy.'”
Professor Logan said: “Grateful though I am to Professor Brubaker for this flattering suggestion, he is putting me in a situation where I will eventually have to kill myself.
“Although I also slightly suspect that if I hadn’t criticised his recent paper on skin pigmentation in marmosets he wouldn’t be fucking doing this.”
He added: “My advice to aspiring scientists is stick to particles and black holes, stay away from animals in general and animal penises in particular.”