TOMCAT Roy Hobbs says he can’t be bothered to catch mice, preferring to eat shitloads of Go-Cat.
14lb tabby Hobbs intends to mate with any nearby female cats that come into season, and is happy leaving humans to deal with the resulting offspring.
He said: “I’ve tried bringing mice back but I got chased out of the kitchen.
“Now there’s mice everywhere and I get grief for not catching them. Society is giving out mixed signals.
“Anyway they can just put poison down, or traps. I’m not catching things for the sake of it.”
Despite fathering 36 kittens in the past year, Hobbs remains strongly opposed to neutering.
“It would make me fat and lazy. Also everyone likes having lots of kittens around, they’re cute.
“Cat food costs next to nothing. I don’t expect Sheba, just those biscuits shaped like little fish are fine.
“Although Sheba would be good. Or a mackerel. Any meat really.”