Friday, 7th May 2021

Snow in south to be moved to north

THE snow that is paralysing the south of England is to be loaded into trucks and moved to the North, where they do not mind it.

With snow disrupting vital southern businesses such as hedge funds and media content aggregators, it will now be urgently transported 200 miles north where folk are used to it being grim.

Southerner Joseph Turner said: “We can’t function under these conditions. My house cost a million pounds and now my drive is slightly slippy.

“Much better to send the snow to the North where they’ll shrug it off, probably with a wry remark like ‘muckle in’t twit like a birra cowd’, or something equally incomprehensible.

“The army are busy loading all of this unfortunately misplaced snowfall onto trucks with instructions to dump it on roads in Yorkshire. Thank God the government has a plan.”

Roy Hobbs of Glossop said: “This is yet another affront to the North by southern bastards, but as a Northerner I am contractually obliged to be bluff and hardy about it.

“Get that thick winter coat off, yer big soft jessie, and let’s do a bit of sunbathing.”