Wednesday, 26th February 2020

Some dick going down high street in canoe

SOME twat is making a mockery of the flooded high street by going down it in a canoe, locals have confirmed. 

Residents of Whalley in Lancashire, whose homes were inundated with filthy water and slept on the floor of a school gymnasium, were rescuing their precious possessions when the utter tool sailed past.

Retiree Roy Hobbs said: “Oh yeah, bloody hilarious. A canoe on the high street. What a hilarious f*cking jape. 

“Look, he’s slaloming past the post box and lampposts while the camera crew for the local news film him. Ah, they’re having to do the shot again because Pete from the pub was caught doing the wanker sign in the background. 

“Yeah, you’d better strap your canoe back on your f*cking roof-rack and f*ck off, mate. Take Pitts Lane back to the main road. Don’t worry about where it looks flooded, it’s only shallow, you can drive straight through it.” 

Canoeist Joe Turner said: “I thought it’d bring a few smiles to a few faces. But they hated me and wanted me to die.”