Stocky dog disagrees with owner's claim that it doesn't bite

AN aggressive-looking dog has dismissed its owner’s claims that it would never bite anyone.

Stocky, big-headed dog Bronco is often described by owner Tom Logan as ‘soft as anything’ and ‘like a big puppy’.

However Bronco said: “Pretty much every time I meet a person, I find myself thinking about locking my huge jaws around their leg.

“Would I do it? I don’t know. I guess I’m what you’d call unpredictable.

“In fact I had a moderately serious dust-up with a boxer in the park last month.

“Tom seems to have conveniently airbrushed that from his memory.

“He is a rather irresponsible owner.”

Tom Logan said: “He can look a bit scary, particularly when he’s growling and going completely mental with slobber flying everywhere, but he’s just a pussycat really.”

Bronco said: “Tom needs to start telling people to stay the fuck away from me.

“Especially people wearing hats. I really am not into people wearing hats.

“They make their heads look a weird shape which scares me and makes me uncontrollable.”

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Joe Hart reconsiders pre-match greasing routine

MANCHESTER City goalkeeper Joe Hart is reconsidering his pre-game routine of greasing himself all over.

The player began rubbing every part of his body, including his boots and gloves, in goose fat after watching cross-channel swimmers and being impressed with their single-minded determination.

He said: “A thick layer of grease keeps you warm, reduces the chance of chafing and I just love the feel of it on my skin, but I have a nagging worry that it’s decreasing my effectiveness as a player in some way.

“I’ve tried all different kinds of grease, from lard to Fry Light, but lately I’ve begun thinking maybe it would be better if I wasn’t greased at all.”

Hart has decided to take the field ungreased for Saturday’s game against Everton, instead relying on the talismanic properties of wearing his lucky Heelys.