THE Sun has “no influence whatsoever” on how hot the earth is, according to a new scientific study by Glasgow’s Clyde University.
The Earth gets hotter during daylight hours due to a combination of the heat given off by trendy coffee shop cappuccino machines and people “just moving around a lot”, the scientists said.
And it gets cold when the Sun goes in because everyone turns their central heating off at the same time and “it just does”, added research team leader Professor Tom Booker.
Meanwhile winds are caused by trees waving their arms around a lot, he said, while rain is really just God crying.
Prof Booker, head of climatology at the University, said the research was conclusive proof that global warming was man-made, and largely caused by Starbucks.
He said: “Before Starbucks average temperatures on all of the Earth were ten degrees below freezing and everyone had to wear long johns all year around.
“After Starbucks the Earth became so hot you could not touch it anymore, and many people had to stop wearing any underwear at all.”