Tediousness Of Climate Change Pundits Underestimated

THE ball-wrenching tediousness of climate change pundits is worse than previously thought, it has been claimed.

A polar bear checks to see if Monbiot has left yet

Experts believe the Intergovernmental Panel on Tiresome Climate Change Articles has drastically underestimated the rate at which people were becoming angrily bored by all this.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Previous computer models suggested someone like George Monbiot would only make you want to chew your own elbows off or stick your bum in a bucket of bees.

"But now all the data points towards Monbiot and Monbiot-fuelled activity forcing millions of people to leap from high buildings while battering themselves to death with a heavy frying pan all the way down, just to make sure."

Annoyed consumer Bill McKay said: "Let me think, how should I put this? Oh yes…WE FUCKING GET IT, OKAY?

"Yes, there's too much CO2 but until we stop burning great big lumps of stinking coal to make the electricity we need to read your boring shit on the internet, there's really not much else to be said about it.

"Range Rovers, easyJet, plastic bags, it's all very fascinating, but let's not allow ourselves to be distracted from the thousands of the gigantic power stations filled to the rafters with manky black stuff, shall we?"

Mr McKay added: "I don't suppose there's any chance we could burn you?"