What will happen to Britain’s ice-cream vans? A five point guide

THE traditional ice-cream van and the double threat it brings to school gates – diesel fumes and sugary snacks – may soon be just a memory. But how can you sustainably repurpose your Mr Whippy? 

MOVE IN
You can’t afford to buy, houseboats are a houseshare with rats, so why not live in an ice-cream van all year round? Bigger than most studios and you can use the chest freezer as a bath, or a spare room when friends come to stay.

POP-UP
Drive to Hoxton and Shoreditch for a pop-up street food experience selling sweetened micro-frozen cream spheres in natural flavours with artisanal dips, toppings, sauces and vintage Cadbury’s Flakes. Which isn’t an ice-cream van because the words are different.

HONOUR HER
Transform your van into a mobile museum commemorating Margaret Thatcher, who single-handedly invented soft-scoop ice-cream before going on to save the world. Bear in mind that serving 99s in an Iron Lady mask will be horrifically frightening to everyrone.

PLAY ON
Just drive around playing the tunes to brighten people’s hearts. In fact bring in a live organist and string section.

BRING THE HEAT
Convert your van to a mobile hot-tub and drive around all winter offering 20 minutes for £2.80. It’s still seasonal work and, when you think about it, it’s no weirder than an ice-cream van.