AS A Greenpeace activist I’m saving the earth any way I can, even if that means crashing into France vs Germany like a reckless wanker. Here’s how you can undermine your arguments:
Interrupt a sporting fixture
It’s been a very long year and Euro 2020 is offering a bit of light relief, so why not ruin everyone’s fun by dropping in on a paraglider? Even if you floated by and showered the crowd with 100 Euro notes the crowd would chant for you to piss off.
Get the timing wrong
Just like comedy, it’s all about timing. If, say, you drifted down into an international football game too early you could easily be edited out of the broadcast and nobody would give a shit about your anti-Volkswagen protest. I learnt this the hard way.
Injure innocent people
Everyone’s aware that sucking oil out of the ground is bad, so think outside the box if you want them to treat you with contempt. Getting tangled in camera wires and hospitalising innocent people ought to do it, although dooming the environment in the process.
Invite cries of hypocrisy
Using double standards scuppers even the most morally upstanding of stunts. In my experience, protesting against oil while flying a contraption that armchair critics will believe is fuelled by petrol will take out your statement at the knees. Like rocking up at an anti-capitalist rally in a gold limo.
F**k up every stage of your delivery
If you make one or two errors you might be able to brush them under the carpet, so make sure your worthy argument is a total clusterf**k from top to bottom. I suggest botching your original idea, hastily resorting to a disastrous Plan B, then needlessly putting lives at risk. On the other hand the French bombed Rainbow Warrior so they’re still the twats here.
