Woman lies about leaving 'bag for life' in car again

A WOMAN who has never re-used a carrier bag in her entire life has once again told the cashier she must have left them in the car.

Emma Bradford of Warrington then went on to buy five plastic bags at 10p each which, she admitted, would be going in the kitchen bin when she got home and from there straight to landfill.

She said: “I know we’re all meant to be environmental these days, but I can’t be arsed.

“I see all these people with their car boot full of all these bags made of hemp or whatever, schlepping them back and forth, and I think ‘why do you bother?’

“Technically I’m paying between 20p and 80p every time I shop and that’s all going to the tuna-friendly dophins, so I’m actually greener than all the rest of them anyway.

“Some people still smoke. Some people have those massive four-wheel drive cars. I’m not on board with the whole bag for life revolution. It’s just who I am.”

She added: “Oh no, sorry, I’ve left my bag for life in the car again! I’ll have to buy one.”

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Doorway voted number one place to stand by toddlers

THE doorway is the best place to stand because you block everyone’s exit, according to toddlers.

A new toddler poll found that ‘halfway in the car’ was also a popular choice followed by ‘right in front of the telly’ and ‘just generally in your way’.

Dad-of-two, Tom Hollis from Leeds, said: “I have been trying to leave for work for three hours but my two-year-old is just standing right in the front doorway like some kind of twatty little bouncer.

“I tried asking nicely and physically moving him but he threatened to bar me from outside for good!  

“Then I tried stepping over him but he head-butted me in the balls.

“Looks like I’ll have to climb out of the fucking window again.”