Woman looking for new plant to kill

A WOMAN is strolling over to the flower market to select which plant will spend the next month slowly dying in her flat.

Emma Bradford has been deciding all week on the perfect gorgeous and exotic new plant to forget to open the curtains for five days a week.

She said: “I do like orchids and I’m sure they’re easy to look after. They’re a hardy perennial, I’m sure.

“Or I could get a succulent this time around. They survive in deserts, so the agony will be prolonged at least until Christmas.

“Who knew it was so easy to kill a plant? It was kind of sad the first time, but now I get a thrill from watching them slowly waste away while I thrive. It makes me feel powerful.

“I’ve got my eye on a bonsai Japanese maple. Its death will make me feel like a cold, sadistic giant.”