THERE are times in any British person’s life which would not be survivable without the cool, soothing balm of tea. How many have you been through?
Anytime you get back home from somewhere
If you’ve arrived home and not put the kettle on, have you not really arrived home or are you not really British? It’s one of the two.
When somebody comes to your house
It remains in law as of 1761 that no matter who visits you, be it friend, plumber or arresting officer, you must make them a cup of tea. Or the country is the worse.
When something bad happens
Whether you’re dying, dumped or arrested for murder, someone is guaranteed to say ‘Let’s have a nice cup of tea’ and make everything better again, briefly.
When something good happens
Won the lottery? Got a new job? Cleared of murder? If you’ve something to celebrate, that calls for a nice cup of tea. Before getting the booze out.
Just before you go out
You’re about to go out for the day, and what if tea’s not available? You desperately need a cuppa before you leave, just like you’ll desperately need a wee 20 minutes later.
When you’ve got loads to do
What will really help you get started on those jobs? A quick break for a fortifying cup of tea.
When you’ve done loads of stuff
How to reward yourself? A celebratory cup of tea. You deserve it.
After a big dinner
You know that feeling when you are so full all you can manage is three cups of tea and an entire tin of biscuits?
First thing in the morning
Let’s face it, no true Brit can start the day without a cup of builders’ nectar.
When you get to work
Let’s face it, no true Brit can start the working day without a second cup of builders’ nectar.
In a hospital
Hospital tea tastes like shit, but it’s still better than visiting someone without the shield of tea at all.
When it’s raining at the seaside
Watching the rain lash the sands while warming your hands on a fresh cuppa is what it is to be British and should be on the citizenship exam.