Middle aged man vows to one day find out what a carb is

A 55-YEAR-OLD reading the newspaper over a full cooked breakfast has renewed his commitment to discovering what a carb is.

After reading that a high-carb diet can shorten life expectancy but not as much as a low-carb one, lorry driver Wayne Hayes has sworn to find out what a carb looks like and if he is presently eating any.

He said: “I should have done this back in the 00s, when everyone was on that Atkins, but I’ve always felt taking an interest in what you eat is just for bodybuilders and fat women.

“I know protein is eggs and meat, fat’s like… chips? I haven’t a fucking clue what milk is. And then there’s greens. I don’t see where carbs would fit in there to be honest. Do you have to ask for them specially?

“I could be living a no-carb lifestyle for all I know. The doctor never mentions it, he just says have less fry-ups. Maybe I could get carbs on prescription with my heart pills.”

When informed by a fellow driver that the meal he had just finished was, in fact, very high in carbs, Hayes replied: “That’s not a carb. It’s a sausage.”