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Woman asks friend for 'feedback' on incredibly shit children's book idea

A WOMAN found it hard to give positive feedback on a friend’s children’s book idea because it was shockingly shite, it has emerged.

Nikki Hollis met friend Emma Bradford for what she thought was just a coffee and catch-up when it turned into an impromptu pitch for her children’s book idea Spoonee and Forkee.

Hollis said: “I just kept nodding and smiling but the rest of my body was frozen by the shitness of it. I think I was in a type of ‘terrible idea shock’.

“Spoonee and Forkee – yes, they are actually called that – teach children it’s okay to be different types of cutlery or some bullshit.

“In future I’ll ask in advance if friends are going to suck me into their idiotic children’s book fantasies, because I just found myself arguing for Martin Clunes to play Forkee in the TV series.”

Bradford said: “Spoons and forks are a brilliant universal that both kids and parents can relate to. Also there’s a lot of humour potential in a friendship between two very different items of cutlery.

“I thought coming up with children’s books was hard but it turns out it’s an absolute piece of piss. Did I mention they have a friend who’s a butter dish?”

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Five annoying things about millennials we've just made up

DO you love getting angry about millennials? Here are some things about them we’ve imagined which will make you despise them even more.

Millennials hate anything that isn’t pretentious

Ask a millennial what they want to drink and they won’t say ‘tea’, they’ll demand a ‘double frappalatte mocha-chocca espressocini’ or some other wanky coffee which we definitely did not just make up.

It’s the same with food. Give them a roast beef dinner and they’ll vomit it up because it’s not smashed avocado on la-di-da bread made by Italians – when millions of hardworking British bakers need their support.

Millennials cannot bear any form of hardship

If a millennial goes out in light rain it will cry. Yes, cry. If one of them has to turn up to work on time they’ll go to Health & Safety and sue the company. God, don’t these ‘people’ make you sick? In a pleasing, sanctimonious sort of way?

Millennials do not have normal sex organs

Millennials are so afraid of sex they’ve evolved useless genitals, basically a small bump where the penis or vagina should be. When they try to mate this causes only the mildest of pleasurable sensations, similar to stroking a gerbil, so millennials will cause the human race to die out.

Millennials disrespect World War 2

Ask a young millennial woman to name five British main battle tanks in the period 1939-45 or explain the key logistical and tactical problems during the Battle of Arnhem and she will just look at you blankly.

This sort of disrespect for our brilliant victory in WW2 is disgusting. It’s only a matter of time before millennials start wearing ‘Mussolini was cool!’ t-shirts. THAT IS A FACT.

Millennials plan to kill everyone over the age of 25

This insane, vindictive plan to eradicate most of the productive population of the UK is something only self-centred idiots like millennials could have thought of.

We sane people – Daily Telegraph readers, strange old men, gullible twats – need to rise up and stop it, but let’s enjoy hating millennials for a bit longer first.

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