A LOAF of artisanal no-knead sourdough bread is too fancy to fit in a toaster, it has been confirmed.
27-year-old Nikki Hollis was disappointed to make the discovery after spending close to £5 on a pleasingly mis-shapen loaf covered in nuts and seeds and other fancy bits.
She said: “It looks great. It tastes pretty good. But can you toast it? No.
“I tried slicing off all the bits that didn’t fit, but it just fell to pieces. I tried rotating it to toast bit by bit, and ended up with a burnt central section and two untoasted ends.
“It’s not an unreasonable request, that bread should be toastable. But even trying’s littered the toaster with mad seedy lumps that set on fire.
“Am I meant to buy an artisanal toaster too? I don’t think I’m cut out for this. It’s back to Hovis for me.”
She added: “In theory I could put it under the grill, but I used it for bacon in 2012 and I still haven’t cleaned it.”