Babies demand remote control-flavoured baby food

BABIES have demanded food that tastes as delicious as the TV remote controls they love to stuff into their mouths. 

Infants from four weeks to 18 months have also requested food with the delectable flavours of the corner of a book, the floor, their own shoe or a smartphone case.

11-month-old Martin Bishop said: “You ask why we won’t eat, but when we show you what we like, do you listen? No.

“Instead it’s pears and butternut squash and sweet potatoes. It’s like the grown-ups are hiding all the ‘used napkin off a Wetherspoon’s table’ jars for themselves.

“Don’t Sony want our money? Then why don’t they respond to the demands of the market and produce a range of foods tasting like their toothsome TV remotes, PlayStation controllers, phones and the rest?”

Nine-month-old Mary Fisher agreed: “It is absurd that quinoa gets its own pouch before the remote control for a 55in LG flatscreen. Where was the research?

“The first company to make a half-decent remote-flavoured meal is going to make a killing. Put your mortgage on it.”