Sunday, 7th June 2020

Best not to think about what cheese is, say experts

EXPERTS have agreed that it is best for everyone if we neither think about nor acknowledge what cheese actually is.

The Institute for Studies confirmed that while deep down we all know where is comes from, it would be detrimental to give it any thought at all.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "It's fine to think about what milk is, but not too much, and to exercise caution when considering the origin of yoghurt.

"But it's best to imagine that cheese is simply grown in the ground, picked from a tree or manufactured in a laboratory.

"There is no other food with the, ahem, provenance of cheese that we eat as often. Therefore, it is pointless to concede that it is just a lump of curdled milk and it comes out of a cow’s big, dirty tit. We’d never eat it again. Oh God."