THE UK has demanded that all cafes and restaurants should have one menu item which is free if consumed in a single sitting.
Britons believe that every dining establishment should adhere to the rule of the greasy spoon mega-breakfast and provide a single option which both challenges and rewards the greedy patron.
Martin Bishop, a noted eater of food, said: “Why doesn’t the Ivy have a gutbuster bucket? With their prices it could be a real life-saver.
“The wife and I like to go to a little trattoria around the corner for special occasions, but I think it’d be even more special if I could eat six pounds of the calabrese pasta, pull up my shirt, rest both hands on my swollen belly, burp sonorously, then walk out without paying.
“Imagine what an honour it’d be to have your photo on the wall of The Fat Duck, bloated with a bucket of snail porridge, Heston feigning astonishment next to you. So proud, and £350 up.”
A McDonald’s spokesman said: “If you eat twice your own weight of our food in an hour, you don’t pay! Because you’ve died.”