ARE you the kind of freak who loves eating hideous sloppy sandwich fillings when you could just have cheese and ham? Here are some horrors you’ll love.
In 1953 a British cordon bleu chef named Rosemary Hume decided that bits of chicken swimming in a gloopy sea of mayonnaise, sultanas and curry powder was a sane way to celebrate the coronation of Elizabeth II. The fact that people eat it now proves we are still mad as a nation.
Who doesn’t enjoy eating a creamy puree made from a mysterious mix of chemically broken-down fish? People with a normal gag reflex, that’s who. This paste is most beloved of those who were born before the BLT was invented and think two thin slices of white bread slathered in this offensive goop constitutes a decent lunch.
Pre-made cheese and onion
A favourite of railway stations and office shops. A cheese sandwich is fine, so why f**k it up by mixing it into a sludge of microscopically grated cheese and onion and cheap mayonnaise? Aside from being vile to eat it will make your breath stink, especially if you’re at work and the only other thing you’ve been consuming all day is coffee.
Peanut butter and marmite
The disgusting filling of choice for hipsters who love to be different to the point that they will force down this hideous combination simply because no one else has thought of it. The truth is other people have thought of it, and have rejected it due to the fact that mixing two brown, viscous spreads with wildly opposing taste profiles together makes them want to vomit.
Anything from Subway
Subway bread contains so much sugar that it can’t legally be defined as bread, so God knows what the rest of the slop they cram between it is made of. You could jam several cheap sausages between two slices of Battenberg and the result would be tastier and more nutritionally balanced.