MILLIONS of Britons have carefully weighed the pros and cons of wearing masks and decided ‘F**k it, if we don’t have to, let’s not’.
Using their sense of personal responsibility, they feel that the minor inconvenience of putting a small piece of cloth over their nose and mouth is not worth it to save the lives of thousands of people, including themselves.
Sales executive Stephen Malley said: “There have been countless peer-reviewed papers, information campaigns and health warnings, all of which are worthy of consideration.
“However, everything really boils down to one fundamental question: do I really give a f**k? And my considered response is ‘nah’.”
Shop assistant Nikki Hollis said: Boris Johnson got it disastrously wrong about six times when it comes to the pandemic. What are the odds he’d be wrong a seventh time? They have to be astronomical. No one can be wrong that often.
“I’ve thought about it as hard as I can be arsed to. Off comes the mask.”
Pensioner Norman Steele said: “Frankly, I think wearing a mask now, after our government has basically told us not to bother, is just being plain ‘woke’. I’ll tell you who else wore masks – the IRA and the Angry Brigade, that’s who.
“I can’t be doing with masks anymore. Yes, people die but as long as it’s in Birmingham or somewhere, who cares?”