Sunday, 27th September 2020

Deliveroo man can no longer hide his contempt for your lifestyle

A DELIVEROO driver who has visited one address several times over the past week is no longer bothering to conceal his disgust.

Jordan Gardner, who has driven for the meal delivery service for four years, has never seen such a sad example of blatant laziness and excessive spending on ridiculously overpriced takeaway meals.

Gardner said: “I’ve delivered to some idle f**kers, but this guy takes the biscuit. You’d think eating Nando’s for 14 days in a row would make you feel so depressed that you’d consider investing in a microwave, but apparently not.

“I started to think he might be acting out some sort of delivery man-based sex fantasy, but he’s just incapable of cooking a single meal.”

Resident Jack Browne said: “I haven’t noticed the delivery guy looking any more contemptuous than usual. Although I do try to avoid their eyes.

“When you’ve just spent £20 on a single sandwich and can of Coke you can’t really carry any more self-loathing.”