DOCTORS have issued a public health warning the public that doing Dry Veganuary in a national lockdown is not achievable.
Bored, self-regarding Britons chasing detox thrills by abstaining from alcohol and animal products simultaneously could realise they have nothing to live for within days, according to medical professionals.
Dr Julian Cook said: “Neither of these challenges is insurmountable alone. But after the strain of this past year, attempting even a single week without the assistance of meat and alcohol is inadvisable.
“Thankfully gyms are closed so there’s no attempt to get fit as well, or we’d already have seen fatalities. It’s frankly just not the time for it.
“With the combination of winter, Brexit and the ongoing pandemic, we’re urging people to give their bodies what they need. We recommend either continuing to drink at holiday levels or gorging on meat like Henry VIII. Or ideally both.”
Experts in public health have compiled a list of items now considered medicinal including beer, wine, whisky, vodka, steak, sausages and doner kebab meat.
Ryan Whittaker said: “I tried Dry Veganuary last year. Monday January 6th I washed 30 cocktail sausages down with two litres of white cider, at 9am.”