YOTAM Ottolengi has foodies in a chokehold with his exotic ingredients, but are they any good? These gastronomic marvels are still inferior to the starchy king:
This southern Iranian spice adds a similar depth of flavour as onion or garlic, which really compliments roasted meat. And its unique savouriness will definitely be what everyone is looking forward to most at Sunday dinner and not, say, an enormous tray of crispy roasties.
Import your sausages all the way from Argentina if you want, you climate destroying ponce. But do you think eating them will be at all enjoyable without a mountain of buttery mashed potato underneath? It won’t, and you can enjoy your King Edwards without feeling guilty about the air miles, because they came from Norfolk.
We get it, it’s a variation on the classic staple. You know what else is a variation on a classic staple, and a fun one at that? Curly fries. Keep your tiny rice, it’s much more fun to find the longest fry in the bowl and wiggle it around like a big spring, especially if you’re pissed.
Sure, it’s the best almond a man can buy, and a healthy carb alternative. But the thing is, carbs taste nice. Unless you can find an almond that tastes as good as a reformed-potato-and-chemical creation sold by McCain, like waffles, you can shove them where the sun doesn’t shine.
Want to add a vaguely unpleasant fishy element to a meal that doesn’t actually contain fish? Knock yourself out. However, everyone knows that the best way to add an out-of-context fish taste to your diet is to gobble two packets of prawn cocktail Walkers, followed by some Skips.