Five of the best vegetables to eat because you hate yourself
DO you enjoy being a martyr about eating vegetables? Here are five disgusting varieties to consume to satisfy your masochistic streak:
There is a particular subset of smug vegetable eaters who like eating sprouts all year round and not just at Christmas. Hopefully these little fart spheres have got genuinely healthy nutritional value, because otherwise you’re just eating pure evil.
Cabbage is the devil’s lettuce, and even Satan doesn’t want to eat it because it’s so repugnant. The only people who will force themselves to consume cabbage and pretend to like it are fat-loss fanatics who boil it up into a vile soup, and they’re obviously sick in the head.
Broccoli is like someone looked at a tree and thought ‘How do I make this small and terrible?’ It’s impossible to cook as it only has two modes: rock solid and mush. Either way, it tastes like every single miserable roast dinner you ever had at your grandparents’ house.
Cauliflower looks like a big, pus-filled spot, incongruously nestling inside big green leaves. Who thought it would be a good idea to dig that up and try boiling it? It is essentially broccoli with anemia, and it tastes like it too.
Whilst squash looks and tastes nice when cooked, the preparation of it is an uphill battle that feels a lot like trying to peel a bowling bowl. Is it worth lacerating all ten fingers to eat some sweet orange mush? Definitely not. Just stick to potatoes, like sane people.