DESPERATE to go up a social class or two? Choke down this disgusting food to fit in with all the other ‘posh’ people.
If God had intended you to eat raw fish, He would have made you a seal. Rice wrapped in seaweed tastes as unappetising as it sounds, but posh people love it so you’re going to have to hold your nose and take a bite. There’s a higher risk of getting worms too, but you’s prefer that to being stuck in the lower echelons of society with the scum.
Rocky Mountain oysters
Not the usual ball of snot from the bottom of the sea. This is in fact a cleverly-worded way of saying ‘sheep’s bollocks’. Quite why the rich would consider a food usually found in a Bushtucker Trial to be a swanky delicacy is a mystery. Then again, they like to go fox hunting and wear stupid hats to Ascot, so logic is clearly not their strong point.
A speciality among rich twats, this French dish also has an abstract name for a good reason. If it were given a literal English translation it would instead be called: force-fed liver of a suicidal duck or goose with a f**king funnel down its throat. Ironically, you’d have to be force-fed this meal after learning its real origins. It will definitely impress at the golf club though.
Normal people wouldn’t dream of eating fish roe instead of something more appealing like a sausage roll from Greggs. But if you want to climb the class ladder then you’re going to have to develop an appetite for this expensive, salty sludge. No wonder the sturgeon it comes from is now incredibly rare, high society knobheads keep eating its eggs.
Or, as regular people would call it, a cheese and meat board. It’s essentially a selection of all the nibbles you would graze on over Boxing Day while slumped in front of the telly, only with a pretentious French name so the wealthy don’t feel like plebs. Why bother trying to be posh though when charcuterie boards don’t include Billy Bear ham?