Guests unaware that crisp bowl is also sick bowl

DINNER party guests have been kept unaware the bowl they have been served Kettle Chips from was last week used as a child vomit receptacle.

The large dish from Next is the perfect size and shape for serving salad, snacks or simply catching the projectile puke of a toddler.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “It wasn’t originally a sick bowl. It was pressed into service suddenly one evening, but now they ask for it. It comforts them.

“On other occasions I’ve used Tupperware, saucepans, the Lego box, a junior fireman’s helmet and my cupped hands, but it’s the salad serving dish that’s been enduringly popular.

“It’s wide, shallow, light and can just as easily contain gourmet crisps, a Caesar salad or regurgitated carrots laced with bile. It’s a wedding gift that really paid off.

“I don’t tell guests, though. Why should I? It’s been through the dishwasher. It’s fine.”

Bradford admitted that she also omits to mention that the spot on the sofa where her sister-in-law sits is where little George suffered his massive liquid shit explosion.

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Death of iTunes 'like Berlin Wall coming down'

CELEBRATIONS are continuing worldwide after the victory the world feared it would never see: the day iTunes was finally defeated. 

The life-ruining application’s reign of terror has lasted 18 years since debuting in 2001, a whole generation grown up in its terrible shadow, but was announced as shuttered by Apple yesterday.

28-year-old Helen Archer said: “It can’t really be gone. It’s a trick. We can’t have been made free, overnight.

“Since I first downloaded mp3s it’s been there, monolithically blocking my every attempt to play them, every click routing me back to the dreaded iTunes homepage to sell me music I already had.

“Twice it’s deleted all my music because I’d bought a new Apple device like you’re supposed to and it got angry. It hides films. Once it shat a U2 album all over everywhere.

“And now it’s gone? Forever, crumbled to nothing? Will Bruce Willis finally be able to will his iTunes library to his children?”

Archer added: “With iTunes gone I can listen to my mp3s again, so I’m unsubscribing to Apple Music.”