A PINT of Guinness counts as a substantial meal in and of itself, the government has confirmed.
Official approval has been given by meal tsar Michael Gove, who claimed he often has two pints of the Irish stout as a starter with a side salad and then a third pint for his main course.
He continued: “Meals don’t have to be served on a plate. And the black stuff is rich in iron and undeniably filling, so anyone who orders a pint of Guinness in Tier 2 will be allowed to make use of the pub facilities as usual.
“Pubs can only serve drink with substantial meals, which Guinness clearly is, so you can not only drink it but order it with a lager on the side.
“That’s approved by scientists. And if not the scientists are wrong and we’ve had enough of them.
“Oh, and a Bloody Mary might count as a meal as well, because it’s got Worcester sauce in and it’s a bit like gazpacho. I’ll come back later in the week about that one.”
Drinker Stephen Malley said: “So we’re allowed to order a pint that takes 25 minutes to pour and twice that to choke down. Thanks a f**king lot.”