SNOW is falling. Roads are covered in black ice. Lanes are blocked by trucks that could progress no further. Should you still go for McDonald’s drive-thru?
PRO: shorter queues
When going for drive-thru at 10am on a Monday, the big worry is always: will I have to wait for it? But conditions of heavy snow, meaning closed roads, weather warnings and a much, much higher chance of collisions, will keep lightweights and losers home eating a Rustler’s burger they have to heat up themselves. You’ll be served in minutes.
CON: risk of being stranded
Driving in wintery conditions is dangerous. An unexpected patch of ice, the tyres on your Ford Ka that scraped its MOT in November and heavy, uncleared snow could add up to hours spent trapped in your car in sub-zero temperatures after neglecting to don a coat in your fever for a Big Mac Meal. But on the other hand, a Big Mac Meal.
PRO: sense of camaraderie
You were unlucky enough to miss out on the happy days of the Blitz, when bombed-out shops would still sell you 20 Players with a smile, because you were born in 1994. However, that shared sense of battling on through hardship is available at any Maccy Dee’s window near you in current conditions. It will restore your faith in Britain.
CON: car may be written off
Even though your mission is a sacred quest for nuggets, black ice may disregard this and send you spinning off the road into a metal crash barrier. The collision will damage your car beyond repair, costing you thousands, causing you to lose your job and leaving you at the mercy of UberEats. However if this does not happen you will be a hero.
PRO: proving personal indefatigability
By journeying to the golden arches through snow, ice and jack-knifed lorries on the ring road you are not simply securing limp fries and a milkshake that, whatever its flavour, has an aftertaste of banana. You are proving that you are single-minded enough to surmount any obstacles in your way and have a winning anecdote to recount in job interviews.
CON: permanent injury and death
Losing control of your car on ice and travelling at speed towards an immovable object may, in the kind of extreme case the Met Office is always citing, lead to disfigurement, the loss of one or more limbs, and death. Whether you place this above your personal desire for a cheeseburger is up to you. Ah, you’ve picked up your car keys already.
