A TIGHTLY-PACKED bag of rice has warned its owner that his efforts to open it will result in it exploding all over the kitchen.
Tom Logan bought the rice from Sainsbury’s and returned home quietly confident that this time he would prise the bag open without spillage.
However the rice took a different view, pointing out that Logan’s fat, cumbersome fingers would be unequal to the task and he would quickly lose patience.
The rice said: “I know your dilemma. Pull gently at me and I’ll stay firmly stuck. Yank at me and it’ll be like an explosion at a confetti factory.
“You will pull and pull with all the tiny purchase the packaging allows you, but to no avail. You will consider using a pair of scissors. But even then you’ll make a hash of it with your big, clumsy thumbs.
“You will open me, yes, but you will be sweeping me up for 10 minutes afterwards, swearing profusely. Grains of me will linger for months or years in gaps between the cupboards you never knew existed.
“Face it, these stupidly over-filled bags were designed by someone with a grudge against adult males.”