ARRIVED in a new town and walked into the first place you’ve seen? Here are the warning signs that it’s the worst restaurant within a 20-mile radius.
There are pictures on the menu
Forgotten what an egg on toast looks like? If this restaurant isn’t confident that they can explain basic foodstuffs without showing you what it might look like, it’s going to be horrible.
No one else is in there
If every other restaurant in town is booked up and this is the only place that can get you in at a moment’s notice, you might be in the wrong place. Prepare for food poisoning.
The menu is in Papyrus
If the laminated menu is in a crap font like Papyrus, plus a bit of Word clip art, you will almost definitely find a hair or a fly in your soup.
It’s next to a better restaurant
Hedging their bets that the better restaurant will fill up quickly and that they can pick up the stragglers is classic shit-restaurant etiquette. Just walk a little further down the road next time.
It’s a weird take on ethnic cuisine done by white guys
A gastropub curry is one thing, but having literally no idea what slightly exotic cuisine is will make for an unpleasant meal. Expect an omelette served on a poppadum with HP Sauce.