A MAN enraged by an advert for Creme Eggs with two men kissing has embarked on a mission to find a chocolate egg that better represents his steadfast heterosexuality.
Nathan Muir of Sheffield believes there must be an ovoid seasonal confectionary which, like him, just fancies women and does not think there is anything wrong with that.
He said: “I’ve got nothing against the gays, but I don’t think I could enjoy a Creme Egg anymore. Not now.
“Before I was on them from January onwards every year. But I’d worry about how it looks. I’m totally comfortable with my sexuality, but I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.
“That’s why I’ve set out to find a proper heterosexual egg for straight men like me who appreciate things like birds, National League football and a few pints. Why shouldn’t we enjoy Easter same as them?
“I put a few calls in to the confectionery companies, asking which was their least gay egg, but nobody’s called back yet. Mini Eggs seem a bit dainty, Caramel eggs are gooey, the Galaxy eggs are rose gold and the Yorkie egg with the truck box isn’t out.
“There’s literally nowhere for a straight bloke who wants an Easter egg to turn. Except those tempting Creme Eggs that I can’t stop thinking about.”