Friday, 22nd January 2021

Man who called meal 'lunch' instead of 'dinner' banished from Yorkshire

A MAN has been told never to return to Yorkshire after accidentally using the wrong name for his midday meal.

In his company canteen, Martin Bishop inadvertently asked a colleague what they had bought for their ‘lunch’ when it was in fact dinner. Rightly, his co-worker immediately informed the Yorkshire authorities.

Within minutes officials swooped to permanently revoke Martin’s Yorkshireness before he had even managed one bite of the pizza, chips and gravy on his tray.

Former friend Roy Hobbs said: “It’s sad when this happens, but there must be no comprise. You start by using the ‘L-word’ and before long you’re eating sushi and drinking wine.”

Bishop’s is the 37th case of de-Yorkshireing in 2020. Other offenders include a man caught watching rugby union instead of league and a woman serving illicit Aunt Bessie’s pre-made Yorkshire puddings. 

A Yorkshire judge said: “Unless Martin receives an official pardon from Geoff Boycott, he’ll have seven days to leave the county. He’ll have to hand in his DVD copy of Kes and his open and friendly nature before he goes. That is only right.” 

Bishop’s sister Carol said: “Martin who? He’s no brother of mine. Anyway, I have to go now. My dinner’s getting cold. Shit. I meant, my ‘tea’.”