BRITAIN’S men are feeling oppressed by having to order steaks with loads of blood in order to look manly.
Millions of males who like their steak properly cooked are so scared of looking effeminate they are pretending to like what is essentially raw meat with a mouthful of lukewarm blood.
Man Wayne Hayes said: “I was at a steakhouse with friends and all the other lads opted for rare, but I like mine well done. I stuck to my principles and ordered that, but I could see the chefs laughing and I knew what it was about.
“I felt a distinct sense of mistrust at the table, and Karen and Rachel barely spoke to me. Next time I’ll do the sensible thing and order a lump of practically raw cow muscle even if I barf it up everywhere.”
Anthropologists have speculated that the practice of eating rare steak dates back to when humans had fewer ways to prove you were hard.
Professor Tom Booker said: “In prehistoric times there wasn’t mixed martial arts or Tough Mudding, so cavemen would prove their status by eating the rawest, bloodiest mammoth steak.
“However nowadays the rare steak obsession is b*llocks. You wouldn’t order chicken rare, although I admit you’d have to be pretty hard to do that. And mental.”