Monday, 8th March 2021

Nutella found in every area of child and house

EVERY area of both a child and the house he lives in has been found to be covered in Nutella, his parents have confirmed.

Four-year-old Oliver O’Connor has liberally smeared the sweet and sticky hazelnut spread on all surfaces of his home and body, including his own head, the cat and inside the DVD player.

Oliver’s mum Sophie said: “Have you ever found chocolate spread coming from a child’s nostrils? Coating his inner ear? I have. I even found some between his toes even though he was wearing socks the whole time. Explain that.

“The house hasn’t fared any better. I think I’ve cleaned it all, and then I find a whole new patch somewhere weird like on top of the fridge or in a closed and locked drawer.

“I once read that after you kill a man, no matter how hard you scrub, the blood will never come off your hands. Turns out it’s exactly the same with Nutella. If not worse.”