Wednesday, 12th August 2020

Office workers suffer sugar slumps at 9.45am, 11am, 11.45am, 1.15pm, 3pm and 4.45pm

THE average office worker is hit by a sugar slump at least six times a day, not including lunch or the commute, research has found. 

The Institute for Studies found office workers combat the fall in blood glucose, which leaves them tired and unable to function at full capacity, with sugary drinks, snacks and powerwalking to the canteen for a doughnut. 

Office manager Martin Bishop said: “I don’t understand it. I begin each morning with a big bowl of sugary cereal and have a caramel latte on the walk from the train, but I still can’t make it to 10am. 

“I usually treat my slump with a mug of builder’s tea, then a Twix after my meeting sees me until lunch. Which makes me sleepy so I have a can of Monster. Then the biscuits come round, and with those and a bag of M&Ms I’m through to hometime. 

“So it’s not like I’m stuffing my face. What am I meant to do? Tough the slump out?” 

Dr Henry Brubaker said: “The average office worker spends the day almost permanently high on sucrose, flitting between different providers like demented wasps. 

“To increase productivity employers should fit giant sugar water coolers, like hamster bottles, to their cubicles they can suck on. Though they will all get fat and die.”