Population of Luxembourg 'only six times the number of people who voted for Johnson'

CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him. 

Boris Johnson’s non-attendance at a press conference saw Luxembourg’s Xavier Bettel aim jibes at the absent British leader even though it would take 15 per cent of his country’s pitiful population to match the votes Johnson got in this summer’s contest.

Furious Conservative Wayne Hayes said: “Luxembourg are nothing. They’re tiny. There’s as many people in Leeds as in Luxembourg, and there’s only three times as many of them as there are Tory members.

“They’d be wise to show some respect for our prime minister. He enjoys the proven support of 0.14 per cent of our population, possibly even twice that.

“What does Luxembourg contribute to the EU? They’re just a tiny tax haven that bends over backwards for multinational companies to keep a pittance of their profits, like we’re going to.

“They think they’re big and strong because they’ve got all those other countries backing them up. Well, we’ll see how big and strong they are when they’re still in the EU and we’re out on our own.”

He added: “I would add something racist about Luxembourgers but I don’t know enough about them.”

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Which Marvel Superheroes are Britain's politicians?

BORIS Johnson is thick and smashes everything like the Hulk, but which Marvel characters are analogous to Britain’s leading politicians?

Frozen in time from the 1940s when everyone smoked, female employees were encouraged with slaps on the bottom and racism was just common sense, Farage loves America more than he can say and will fight any hero who stops him making Britain into it. 

Jacob Rees-Mogg is LOKI
Thinks he’s clever, talks all Shakespearean, but whenever he’s near a scepter of power or ceremonial mace manages to bugger everything up. Irritatingly, never quite dies. 

Dominic Raab is HAWKEYE
Nobody needs Hawkeye. A man who shoots arrows wouldn’t provide a tactical advantage in World War One, let alone against Thanos/the EU. But he thinks he’s hard and might come in useful as cannon fodder someday, so he’s on the team. 

Arlene Foster is DOCTOR DOOM
Like Doom, Foster’s face is covered by an emotionless metal mask and she rules her little-understood nation with an iron hand and sorcery. Will betray anyone who makes a deal with her. 

Both are relatively unknown, both enrage gammons just by existing, and nobody’s really sure what either of them have to do with the plot so they’ll probably end up getting quietly written out. 

Jeremy Corbyn is THE WATCHER
Labour leader Corbyn is undoubtedly The Watcher, a large-headed alien who stands on the moon intensely observing all human affairs but forbidden to interfere. At moments of great crisis, like Brexit, he appears in the sky but still does nothing.