Friday, 6th December 2019

Woman's life still crap despite affirmations and visualisation

A WOMAN'S life is still a lot of crap despite affirmations and visualisation, it has been confirmed.

Susan Traherne is still unhappy in her career, unfit and unable to find a long term partner even though she recites positive statements in the mirror each morning and visualises herself as a slim, happily married millionaire entrepreneur.

Traherne said: "I do exactly what the New Age gurus suggest, and yet my love life's still down the toilet and I haven't 'manifested' so much as a quid."

She added: "You'd think the universe could at least throw me a voucher for free Nectar points."

New Age guru Julian Cook said: "I think the universe is angry with Susan because she visualised an East 17 reunion."